


Centrefold

by HazelBeka



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Sexual Humor, forget his face - what else is Kakashi REVEALING in this photo?!, what did this hot teacher see that made him BLUSH?, you WON’T BELIEVE which shinobi is a shameless flirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazelBeka/pseuds/HazelBeka
Summary: “A nice day to be reading in the park,” Kakashi commented cheerfully. He was enjoying this, the bastard.“This isn’t mine,” Iruka said hastily, dropping the magazine onto the bench. Unfortunately, it fell open to the page with Kakashi’s naked pose.“Well, whoever owns it clearly has a favourite page,” Kakashi said, and Iruka could have died.In which Iruka confiscates a gossip magazine from a student and a certain article catches his eye.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 65
Kudos: 446





	Centrefold

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Плакат на развороте](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047530) by [Lutik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lutik/pseuds/Lutik), [WTF NARUTO 2021 (WTF_NARUTO_2021)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WTF_NARUTO_2021/pseuds/WTF%20NARUTO%202021)



> This is based on a legit clickbait article I came across (whose title I paraphrased in this fic) while doing a google search on something Kakashi-related. Naturally I clicked on it, but disappointingly most of the facts on the list had nothing to do with Kakashi's body. There was nothing even remotely juicy. But I was still delighted that Kakashi clickbait exists so I was inspired to write a fic where Iruka encounters some.

Iruka only learnt about the article because he’d confiscated a copy of the magazine from one of his students. A group of girls at the back of the class had been huddled around one desk, peering at something and giggling. Iruka’s teacher senses were tingling from the moment he walked into the room.

“What have you got there, Ino?” he called.

A couple of the girls blushed when they realised they’d been spotted and sidled away, but Ino didn’t even look up.

“Nothing, sensei,” she called back, unruffled enough that a lesser teacher might take it for innocence. But Iruka knew his class too well to suspect that a single one of his students would opt for innocence when they could be misbehaving.

He formed a few hand signs, and suddenly he was sitting at a child-sized desk and Ino shrieked in surprise as she found herself standing at the front of the room. The cluster of girls who now found themselves jostling around their teacher also shrieked and scrambled away, and Iruka didn’t even try to hide his grin. Substitution jutsu. It got them every time.

He now had in his hands the object that Ino had been holding, and he lifted it up and raised his eyebrows as he realised what he was looking at. It was a magazine, its glossy pages reflecting the light, and from the double page spread it was open to, Iruka was certain it wasn’t one of the usual teen mags he caught his students reading during class. No, this was the real deal, probably stolen from Ino’s mother – and Iruka suddenly knew a lot more about her mother’s interests than he’d have liked.

“Iruka-sensei!” Ino spluttered, and if Iruka hadn’t been so distracted he’d have felt smug satisfaction at how guilty she sounded now. “That’s private!”

“I’ll say it’s private,” Iruka agreed, looking up and raising an eyebrow at her. She coloured.

The magazine was open to a drawing of a naked man, sprawled across the entire double page spread, his dignity protected by an arm dangling over his waist and hiding from view the part of his anatomy that would have necessitated a serious talk with Ino’s parents. At least it wasn’t a photograph, Iruka considered, although the artist had lovingly shaded every one of the man’s muscles and had given him a ‘come hither’ expression, winking out of the page at the reader. Iruka didn’t recognise him, but he assumed it was some celebrity.

Some of the more curious students were gathering around him now, craning to see what Ino had been caught with, and Iruka hastily closed the magazine and stood up.

“What is it?” Sakura asked gleefully. “What was she looking at?”

“Some extracurricular reading material,” Iruka said, and Sakura looked disappointed as she saw the magazine in his hand. “I’ve told you girls to stop bringing these to class. If it happens again, I’m telling your mother, Ino.”

Ino’s face paled so rapidly that Iruka almost felt bad. Almost.

“And I’m holding onto this,” he added, rolling up the magazine in case the cover was as lurid as its contents and taking it back to his desk. “Now, shall we finally get on with some actual learning?”

The whole class groaned. It was going to be an extra homework day, Iruka decided. Just to keep the little terrors on their toes.

  


* * *

  


He forgot about the magazine until lunchtime when the kids had rushed out of the classroom and Iruka was searching for the worksheets he’d prepared for the afternoon’s class. He found them in one of his desk drawers, hidden underneath the magazine he’d thrown in there earlier, and he picked it up and glanced over the cover, wondering if there was anything else between its brightly-coloured pages he ought to know about.

It was the first time he’d actually looked at the cover, and one of the images caught his eye. It was a photograph of someone he recognised: Hatake Kakashi, not quite looking at the camera as though he wasn’t aware he was having his picture taken. The text above the picture said _This week in our Shinobi Spotlight we take a peek at the mysterious (and super hunky) Sharingan Kakashi_.

Iruka snorted. He knew Kakashi well enough to stop and have a brief chat if they bumped into each other around the village, but he wouldn’t call them friends. His impression had always been that Kakashi was trying a little too hard to cultivate that aura of mystery that was clearly working for the magazine editors, though as for ‘super hunky’…well, he’d definitely noticed that Kakashi had some well-defined biceps. Strong shoulders too when he wasn’t slouching. And a great ass.

Iruka coloured and glanced up as though one of his kids might have sneaked back into the classroom to read his thoughts. Considering he’d embarrassed a Yamanaka today, that wasn’t an entirely ridiculous notion. He hastily shoved the magazine back into his drawer and pressed a seal against it. He never locked his drawers, but any kid who touched them would end up with their hand stuck to the desk until Iruka released them. To shinobi children, locks were a challenge, but booby traps were effective.

Although it was out of sight, the magazine stayed in his thoughts throughout the afternoon. It was clearly still in Ino’s thoughts too. She sulked at the back of the class, and every time Iruka’s gaze swept over her he remembered the picture of Kakashi on the cover. What exactly did the article say? Had Kakashi given an interview or was it just a gossip piece? By the time the last bell rang, Iruka’s curiosity was killing him.

Ino approached him after the rest of the children had disappeared in a chattering mass.

“Can I have my magazine back?” she asked.

Iruka gave her a stern look, leaving an ominous silence for just long enough that she started to squirm.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate,” he said. “Do you?”

“But I have to put it back before my mum notices it’s gone!”

“You should have thought of that before you borrowed it, shouldn’t you?” There was no way in hell Iruka was giving it back. Not before he’d read it. “Think of it as an assignment. Your retrieval mission has gone wrong, suspicion has fallen on you as the thief. Deflect it somewhere else before things get too serious.”

Ino gave him an exasperated look and put her hands on her hips. “You turn everything into homework!”

Iruka smirked at her. “It’s my superpower. Let me know how it goes.”

She grumbled some more, but when she left she had a thoughtful look on her face. Maybe he shouldn’t be teaching kids to deceive their parents. Iruka briefly considered the ethical conundrum before shrugging. If you were going to send your kids to shinobi school, you had to expect this sort of thing. The parents only had themselves to blame.

Now that he’d escaped the last of his students, Iruka grabbed the magazine and stuffed it into his bag, trying not to get caught up in small talk with the other teachers as he left. What had his life come to? Never before had he felt the urge to read an article in a gossip magazine. He needed to get out more.

By this point he was so desperately curious that he didn’t even make it all the way home. There was a park he cut through between the academy and his block of flats, and before he knew what he was doing he’d sat down on one of the benches and pulled the magazine out of his bag. The bench he’d chosen was at the edge of the park, away from the children’s play area and the path that led from one entrance to the other, and Iruka cast a surreptitious glance into the trees behind him before checking the page number on the cover and flicking to the article.

The title was splashed across the top of the page in obnoxious pink letters: _30 CRAZY Facts about Sharingan Kakashi’s BODY_. Iruka couldn’t help but laugh. It was even more ridiculous than he’d expected. Yet he continued reading.

The little introductory paragraph explained that the writer’s information had come from a ‘ _very_ close source to the man himself, if you catch our drift…but don’t worry, ladies, he’s single!’ What did _that_ mean? Iruka frowned. Was some ex-girlfriend selling her story? He hoped not. That added a level of sleaze that made him uncomfortable.

Some of the bullet points in the list of ‘crazy facts’ were common knowledge: Kakashi had the sharingan eye, he was a jounin, he had studied under the Fourth Hokage. But many of them were sketchier, amounting to little more than thinly veiled comments on his sexual prowess.

_8\. The sharingan gives him perfect aim – there’s no sweet spot this man can’t hit._

_15\. We hear he’s often seen training all afternoon without a break. We love a man with stamina._

_21\. A big fan of the steamy Icha Icha series, we hope he’s making notes on a few key scenes – you know the ones we mean…_

All in all, the whole article was a disappointment. Entertaining, yes, but informative? Hardly. Iruka didn’t learn a single thing. He was about to close the magazine when he noticed a little box at the bottom of the article. _We’ve saved the best for last_ , it said, _so now that we’ve tantalised you, turn the page for the money shot_. Iruka sighed. Well, he’d come this far, might as well see it through to the end.

He turned the page and – _oh_. It was the picture Ino and her friends had been giggling over earlier. Iruka felt the blood rush to his face as he realised he was staring at Kakashi. Or, at least, an artist’s impression of what Kakashi would look like naked. Who the hell had drawn this? The hinted-at ex-lover? Or some pervert with too much free time on their hands? Iruka should close the magazine, he knew, but he hesitated, scrutinising the image with much more attention than he’d paid it before.

Naturally, he’d never seen Kakashi’s face – or any other part of his body that was hidden by his clothes – but even though the hair was about right, he could see why he hadn’t twigged that this was Kakashi even after seeing his name on the cover. Something about it just looked wrong. The jawline was too square, the eyes too narrow, the cheekbones too prominent. Even Kakashi’s mask couldn’t hide the shape of his face, and this wasn’t it.

“That looks nothing like Kakashi,” Iruka muttered to himself.

“I don’t know, I think they did a good job on my nose,” said a mild voice next to his ear.

Iruka shot up off the bench and whirled around, heart pounding. Kakashi straightened from where he’d bent to look over Iruka’s shoulder and smiled at him. Iruka had learnt to tell when Kakashi was smiling by the crinkles at the edge of his eye and the way the mask shifted ever so slightly over his cheeks.

“Kakashi-san!” 

Of all the people who could have caught him, why did it have to be Kakashi? And how the hell had he sneaked up on Iruka so easily? Iruka was about ready to use an earth jutsu and have the ground swallow him up. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so mortified.

“A nice day to be reading in the park,” Kakashi commented cheerfully. He was enjoying this, the bastard.

“This isn’t mine,” Iruka said hastily, dropping the magazine onto the bench. Unfortunately, it fell open to the page with Kakashi’s naked pose.

“Well, whoever owns it clearly has a favourite page,” Kakashi said, and Iruka could have died.

“I confiscated it from a student! I just wanted to know what she was reading.”

“She has great taste. I love that magazine, I buy it every week.”

Iruka blinked at him, not sure if he was joking.

“So you’ve read the article?”

“Of course. I have it pinned to my wall at home.”

That, at least, had to be a joke. Or so Iruka hoped.

“You might want to have a word with your ex-girlfriends,” he said. “The writer implied they’d been talking to someone who knew you.” He didn’t like the idea of someone using their relationship with Kakashi that way. Kakashi didn’t seem all that ruffled by the article, but it was the principle of the thing.

“Doubtful,” Kakashi said, picking up the magazine and flipping back to the article. “For one thing, I don’t have any ex-girlfriends, and I think it would have read a lot differently if they’d spoken to my ex-boyfriends.”

 _Oh_. Well that was one new fact about Kakashi that Iruka had learnt today. A fact that he found _extremely_ interesting.

“They really didn’t get anything right then,” he said weakly.

Kakashi’s eye flicked up from the page to meet his gaze.

“Oh, they were right about one thing,” he said. “I am single.”

Iruka hadn’t fully recovered from his last blush when he felt the blood rush to his cheeks again, this time for entirely different reasons.

“Did they get anything right in their drawing?” he asked, and was amazed at his own daring.

Kakashi leaned his elbows on the back of the bench and Iruka was fairly sure he was grinning beneath the mask.

“I can show you sometime if you like,” he said.

Iruka wasn’t sure he managed to reply, he was so flustered. Something came out of his mouth that might have been words, or it might have been a collection of garbled sounds. Either way, Kakashi seemed satisfied. He stood up straight and held out the magazine.

“In the meantime, feel free to keep this. There’s a great piece on page twelve that I’d recommend. I’ll see you around, Iruka.”

He left, and Iruka stared after him until he was out of sight. Had that really happened? Had Hatake Kakashi just _propositioned_ him? God, he hoped so. He was more than OK with that.

Out of curiosity, Iruka opened the magazine to page twelve. _How to Give the PERFECT BLOWJOB_.

He slammed the magazine shut and stuffed it back into his bag. Who was even writing these things? It was probably as awful as the piece on Kakashi.

He’d read it later. Just to check.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus extracts from the article:
> 
> 4\. You know what they say about shinobi – it takes a jounin to get the girls moanin’! And Kakashi is one of the strongest jounin in the village
> 
> 10\. Kakashi is master of a thousand moves – on the battlefield and in the bedroom. Or so we hear!
> 
> 16\. Known for always wearing a mask, Kakashi’s clearly a man who understands the importance of keeping his anatomy under wraps. Practice safe sex, ladies!
> 
> 25\. Kakashi is a dog person! Dare we speculate about his favourite position? Woof woof.
> 
> I could go on, but I'll stop before I get kicked off the internet...


End file.
